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Warning: This episode contains uncomfortable and necessary truths that will ultimately set you free. Today we’re talking guilt, doubt, and the myth of “enoughness.” None of these plagues are going anywhere, anytime soon. AND we have the opportunity to tap into DFSTAG to take those initially wobbly steps toward strutting into a life we so desire.
More good news? You’re not alone. We’ve got a LOT of unlearning to do, but we get to do it together! I’m going to clue you in on the tools to help dig deeper, the questions to ask for clarity, and even throw in a history lesson on why breathing is an important place to start. Are you with me?
Tiffany Han: Hey, Hey, welcome back to The Tiffany Han Show Podcast that will teach you how to transform your life from black-and-white to full, radiant Technicolor so that you can show up to all of it from a wildly-creative place of Radical Self-Belief.
For show notes, archives, and access to my free private podcast, the five-day Radical Delight Kickstart, visit tiffanyhan.com and make sure you're following me on Instagram @thetiffanyhan. Thanks for being here. Now, onto the show.
Tiffany Han: Hey, hey, everyone. It's Tiffany. Welcome back to The Tiffany Han Show. Today, we are talking about some really fun things. I'm sure that you're super stoked about this one. We're talking about guilt, doubt, uncertainty; and the question of, what is enough, right? Or when is enough, enough? Or, is this good enough? Or, have I done enough or am I worthy enough?
All of those delightful things that are so fun to be with. And honestly, we don't talk about enough because what I know is that these are things that we all experience. These are questions that show up to all of us that feel most of the time, impossible to answer; and spoiler, they kind of are.
And because people are not talking about them out in the world, because they don't feel fun to talk about, when we experience this internally for ourselves, when what we are seeing inside doesn't match the story that people are telling about their lives on the outside; we decide, we think that it's only us who experience this.
We think, ‘well, it must just be me or else I would know it.’ And, that is something that I want to clear up right now. It's not just you, I promise. I promise. I have had the good fortune of getting to have individual conversations with hundreds of you at this point, if not more, right? And, I know the things that people say over and over and over again, that I hear all the time and I promise it's not just you.
So, before we dive in, my one housekeeping announcement is to let you know that early-bird applications for the upcoming round of Grown-Up Gap Year, that doesn't start until October 1st, early-bird applications are going to be opening up for that on Tuesday, June 21st.
Now, I'm doing things a little bit different this year for Grown-Up Gap Year in accordance with my Year of No, you will hear more about that on the next episode of the Tiffany Han Show when I give you a Year of No vis-à-vis my business update.
I'm doing things a little bit different that early-bird application period is only open from Tuesday, June 21st through Friday, June 24th. And, I'm going to be doing a couple of special fun things for people who are on the VIP wait list for Grown-Up Gap Year.
So, if you are at all interested in Grown-Up Gap Year, if you are at all interested in a cash discount, if you are at all interested in seeing how I tackle a launch through my Year of No lens in really trying to let go of all the obligations, let go of all the ways things should be done and really ask myself for every single thing that I touch with this course and with this experience and with talking about it, promoting it, making sure that it all feels really fun and energizing to me.
If you want to see how all of that gets done, then you need to get on the early-bird wait list. You can do that in the link on the show notes, or by going to Tiffanyhan.com. Like I said, if you're on my regular news list, you are not going to be hearing about all of these special bits. It's only going to be going-- It's like a secret, it's like a secret club.
So, June 21st is when it's coming up, you can click on the link in the show notes to get on that list. Okay? Let's dive in; guilt, doubt, uncertainty; the question of, what is enough? I want to first start this out with a promise and a warning. The promise and the warning, it's the same thing. [laughs] It's not, I'm going to promise you this, and then I'm going to warn you this. No, no, no, no, no.
It is the same thing, which is that if you are working hard to completely eliminate guilt, doubt, uncertainty, that question of ‘enough’ from your emotional field, from your feelings’ bank, that is an impossible task. That's my promise. That's my warning. So, part of where we get to start this conversation is looking at, how do we go deeper into what we're thinking about, right?
So, instead of like, ‘oh, the guilt, the guilt, how do I deal with the guilt? How do I deal with the doubt? Ah!’ Which is a very, like, ‘in our head’ place to stay, the invitation is to go deeper and to ask some different questions about who you are, about what you want, about what's meaningful to you; about what you want to be connected to in your life, in your days, in your work, in your relationships with yourself.
And, thinking about what is going to bring you a feeling of peace and calm and ease. And, I promise, right, that being up in our heads about, ‘if only that wasn't there,’ being up in our heads about that, I find often brings the opposite of peace and calm and ease. It can actually make everything we touch feel really fraught, feel really heavy, feel really sticky and friction-filled and hard to navigate.
So, what we get to do instead of, how do I make it go away? And, remember too, that the, ‘how do I make it go away,’ also comes with this punishing opposite of grace energy, which is, ‘why am I so wrong for feeling this? If only I didn't feel this, why can't I be better at not experiencing this?’
Which again, y'all, that's why I think it's so important for us to talk about this stuff, for us to have these conversations, because the reason that it feels wrong, the reason that we doubt is; one, that you are a person of high integrity, that you are a person who cares about a lot of different things, who often cares about things that feel on the surface to be in competition with each other; working, my family, myself.
Now, I like to actually think that they're not really in competition with each other, that we get to as creative, intelligent, loving, integrity-driven people that we get to make all of the things fit together, right? That we don't have to eliminate like eliminate some chunk of our life in order to find happiness elsewhere, even though that often feels like the game that we're trying to play.
And, most of the time, because we're unwilling to do that, right, is that what we think is the answer is to eliminate that chunk, but just temporarily. I have not watched this show yet, but there's a show. I think it's on Apple TV, the Severance, right? Where when the person is at work, like they forget completely about their outside of work life and vice versa. I think it takes a dark turn.
And y'all, it's so easy to think that building walls is the answer. It's so easy to think, if only I could do that better, right? ‘If only I could be more rigorous, if only I could be more able to build a wall between this and that and this and that and this and that, then I would have it all figured out.’ But here's what else I know about you.
You are not a person who is put on this earth to, like, be a good wall-builder, right? You're not even a person who's put on this earth to like try harder and with a tighter grip, and if only you could apply more rigor, but this gets into the second thing about why we're experiencing that, these feelings. It's conditioning. It's social. It's cultural. It's the capitalist patriarchy, White Supremacist culture, society that we live in.
All of these forces of oppression that have told us what the ideal way to be is. The ideal way to think, the ideal way to act; the ideal way to conduct ourselves in work, in family, in relationships with ourselves; the ideal way to be completely balanced and fluid in all things.
And honestly, the ideal way to be as good as it gets in all of the different realms of our lives; that these systems of oppression that are all interwoven and woven into each other and have gotten their hooks in us and in our lives and in the people who raised us and in the people who influenced us, right?
This generation has gotten their hooks into our lives at a very, very, very young age. Right? How old were you when you first were given a message of how you needed to be in the world in order to be safe, loved, successful, accepted, all of that? For me, probably, three; that I remember, three or four, right?
So again, I just want to underscore this, that you experiencing these emotions is not a personal failing, even if it feels like it. This is where we have to remember that our feelings are not fact, I'm working late, and so I feel like a bad parent because I have to miss dinner. That's a feeling. It is not a fact.
It is not a fact that I am a bad parent if I miss dinner, but what happens when that feeling, when I let that feeling, just the energy of it consume and dictate everything else is that, then we just get, we like melt into this puddle, where I feel awful, I feel disconnected. I'm not actually able to then show up fully to the work that I'm doing, which is causing me to miss dinner in the first place, which then only piles on, y'all, more guilt and more doubt and more uncertainty.
And then, I have to navigate that again and more. And then, when I finally do leave to go be the parent, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from all the juggling and the shape-shifting and the mental gymnastics; and the internal like, ‘hold it all together. I just need to get through this.’ Ooh, be careful with, ‘I just need to get through this.’
Be careful when that becomes how you move through your days, ‘I just need to get through this. I just need to get through this,’ because if we aren't careful and deliberate, ‘I just need to get through this,’ can become how we live our lives. And, I say, not on my watch, not on my watch. So, we're fighting a losing battle, not a personal failing.
Promise in the morning is that they'll never go away completely. So, what do I do with that? Right? Am I just like, and now 12 minutes in, we're going to end this podcast because, lost cause good luck to you, oh, well? [laughs] No, I promise I won't do that. Here's where we start.
And, I want to really emphasize this is where we start, because learning to be with these things, learning that pillar of Radical Self-Belief, the acceptance of like, yep, this is coming up, the grace to let it come up, right? The faith that it's okay, that integrity is driving you, that you're showing up from a place of love, which we're going to talk about in a minute.
The discernment to know, is this worth really investigating? Do I need to dive into it? Is now the time, what do I need to do with it? And then, that spirit-tending of, how are you taking care of yourself? You, how are you taking care of yourself? And, when I say yourself, I'm not talking about five steps to natural, Radical Self-Care in the form of a candle and a thing, and a face mask and all that.
I'm talking about, how are you tending to your life force; to that divine spark of intuition, of creativity, of Stardust, of something right within you, deep within you. We could call it your soul. We could call it intuition. We could call it the divine or higher power or God, or just like being part of something bigger than ourselves. How are you tending to that?
And, what I know, and I know this, y'all, from my work. I know this from the years of study that I've done. I know this from myself and my experience with this. I know this from conversations that I've had, if we aren't careful tending to our spirit, tending our life force, tilling the soil of our lives, y'all, if we're not careful, it doesn't just get relegated to the bottom of the to-do list. It gets like that being a thing to think about gets thrown in the garbage and completely forgotten about.
And, I'm talking about too, right, tending to your life force from a place that is uniquely yours. Not because so-and-so says to do it this way, right? This is about really you finding your, carving your own path. In my episode next week with the Year of No, My Business, we're going to talk about all the templates. We're going to talk about all the checklists.
We're going to talk about all the things that all the people tell us to do, whether it's life, business, work, beauty, shopping, religion, food; oh my God, parenting. Oh, I mean, ah, adulting, all the things. Those are our five pillars of Radical Self-Belief, right? DFSTAG, discernment, faith, spirit-tending, acceptance, and grace. So, step one is acceptance here. We're playing with acceptance.
And, accepting that as a creative lit-up, energetic, enthusiastic, multifaceted person, who is-- Like, when I say turned on, I mean like that light, like that spark of light, that light comes on, right, who's like, uh, that. That is what I mean by turned on.
Who's turned on by a lot of different things, energized by and engaged with a lot of different things, being that kind of person, which if you're listening to this podcast, you are, means that they are always going to be multiple places you can put yourself. It means that they're always going-- There's always going to be more to do than time to do it in.
There is always going to be a decision that has to get made; not in like now you have to make a decision for it, but in any given moment. But the difference, the difference between the way that we're told to do it, or the way we think is answer, ‘build a wall, build that wall and just, well, just focus. You just need to be better at focus.’ Oh my God. Yeah.
That is a whole other podcast episode about what's wrong with telling somebody that, but we think that the way to make those choices, to live in that choice is to build a wall. And, I actually contend that the way to best and most beautifully and most like truly live in that choice is to let whatever the barrier is, to let it be porous, to let it be almost like a mesh where energy can flow into and out of it.
That doesn't look like I'm trying to work, and I'm just, what, you just want me to leave my door open so my kids can come in and out? I mean, if that works for you, great, that does not work for me.
But what I mean is accepting and allowing you to bring your full self into everything you do, that you don't have to cut off parts of yourself in order to be good at other things that are important to you and giving yourself the grace to let that be true, to experiment, to figure out your best way. And then, here's the piece, right?
Knowing that part of learning to do that, part of learning to figure out your best way is also figuring out how to carry the guilt, the doubt, the uncertainty; the question of, ‘is enough, enough? What is enough? Learning how and where and when and why to carry that. So, allowing that to be in the picture too, then becomes an active choice. I'm sorry that that's how it is, right?
Like again, y'all, I wish that I could say, “Oh, here is my quick three-step process for no guilt.” I don't know if that's possible, right? I think that over time, I know that over time, those feelings become less potent. They become less shouty, right? They become more manageable, right? So, when you're learning how to carry them, instead of like, ‘oh, I've got to drugs with this thing.’
It's like, oh, mm-hmm. Hi, you're here. Okay.’ It's like a little, a little quirk-size thing you can just slip in your pocket. Part of that, y'all, is that they stop surprising you, right? Like, it stopped-- You stopped being surprised by it. ‘Oh doubt. Hey, I see. Okay, here you are.’
And, this is, again, y'all, why I think it's so important to talk about because when other people aren't talking about it, and then it shows up to us, it is so jarring. It's like, ‘ah, what is it? What are you? Who are you? You're not supposed to be here. Nobody mentioned this was part of the deal.’ Yeah. Y'all, it's part of the deal.
And, here's the thing: I've talked about this before, with fear, I've talked about it before with the inner critic, but it's also true of the guilt, doubt, uncertainty; trying to make it disappear is a losing battle. So, release those expectations that you have for yourself and accept that it's not a battle that you want to fight, because here's the deal, right? If you're like this or that, this or that.
And again, the world tells us black and white, black and white, either/or, either/or, all or nothing, all or nothing, go 100% fully into something. Ah, no pressure. But if you are trying to decide this or that, this or that, and you decide this; this thing over here, but you have the guilt that you're leaving that behind.
Here's what we have to remember is that let's say you were like, ‘okay, guilt. You are right. I'm going to-- I'm actually going to change my vote and go over here then, because I want the guilt to go away.’ You go over there and listen, then you've got the guilt for changing your mind, for not doing the thing, for not following through on what's important to you.
‘Maybe I should have, maybe I should have,’ do you see that like, if we let the guilt and the doubt and the uncertainty control the conversation, it's like an ultra-marathon in a circle leading to nowhere that never ends.
And y'all, I'm going to say again, I've said it before, and not on my watch. Not while The Tiffany Han Show is out there, right? Giant asterisk; also, easier said than done. Giant asterisk; also, I know that when you're feeling the guilt and the doubt and the uncertainty, it is hard. Tiffany really wants me to be okay, like be okay with this? I don't need you to be okay with it, right?
I don't need you to be like, ‘oh great. This is happening.’ It almost is like, side eye, all right. But what I don't want you to do is commit more of your life force to “fighting it” because what you're actually doing then is exhausting yourself, blooding your knuckles, and it wins. It actually gets to absorb more of that energy. Again, not on my watch. It gives it more power.
I also think it's so important to remember bigger picture, right, why does it show up again? It shows up because you're a person of integrity. You're a person who cares about a lot of things. We are told that there is a way to find work-life balance. I don't think there is. I'm working on an episode of that too.
That episode is going to come out after my Year of No vis-à-vis my business is going to be like, why we need to stop thinking about balance and what I want us to think about instead. But for now, the short story is, give yourself a break from balance, like cut yourself some slack.
Again, lower those expectations, because often the lower expectations, we think that it's going to turn us into like a total slacker. But what it does is it actually relieves so much pressure. It's like this pressure release valve, and it allows you to get into flow. It allows you to feel expansive because you're not weighed down by that, Ugh. Right?
Then we can talk about all the things we can learn from Encanto episode that I'm also working on, but like Luisa, right? We're talking about Luisa here. So, remember that if something, if, for you, with the kind of person you are and the way that you are lit up by what's possible by the world, all of those things, by your ideas, your dreams, I feel this, y'all, in my bones. I feel this as truth.
The ideas, the dreams, the visions of what's possible would not be in you if they were not for you, they are in you for a reason. They are in you because they are yours to shape and mold and build and play with and tweak and adapt and evolve and iterate on. They would not be in you if they were not for you.
And, if you want to talk about why spirit-tending is important, it's because being able to like ground yourself, anchor yourself in that truth, everything opens up. And, it gives you this anchor to hold onto when the guilt and the doubt and the uncertainty are all swirling around, and you feel like you are just being tossed from one to the other, to the other, to the other.
Instead, you anchor down, they're all up there around your head, like ha-da-da. And, you're like, ‘I'm good. I don't like that you are there. You're annoying. I wish that you would go away, but I am no longer being carried and tossed around and helpless to you, not anymore.’ So, then, what do you do? Right? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, now what? Then you get to collect some data.
And, I want to emphasize with this whole episode in this next thing that you're stepping into is that nothing that I'm talking about today is one and done, nothing that you are exploring, that I'm encouraging, that I'm wanting you to think about is, ‘this is how you do it. Now go do it, and live your best life for the rest of time.’
This is about like an acceptance of a small, beautiful, true start permission to collect data, which is just means, see what happens, watch what happens, which doesn't mean permission to then go out and perform perfectly. Right? Because we think, ‘okay, fine, fine. I will learn how to carry the doubt. And, I will anchor myself, my spirit-tending, and then I will never wobble again.’
No, y'all, sometimes we wobble, right? Sometimes the doubt comes true. Sometimes we think, ‘I don't know if I can do this,’ and then turns out it doesn't go so well. Or the guilt says you should be spending more time at home, and then you learn to carry it, and then you get home and something has happened. Or the kid says, “Why do you have to work so much? I really needed my mommy today,” or whatever. Right?
And, you're like, oh. So, this isn't about performing our way through perfectly, but we collect data. And, the data that I want you to think about is so much less about, what did you produce; and so much more about, how did it feel?
And, this is one of the fundamental shifts that I try to bring into my work, that I try to bring into Grown-Up Gap Year, that I try to bring into everything that I do is that it's so easy for us to think about, what are we doing? What's the end result? But what you and I, both, know is that you are somebody who can churn out a really great end-result maiming yourself on the inside in the process.
At the end of it, there is nothing recognizable left of your life force. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, say it with me, not on my watch. So instead, with this permission and the data collection and the carrying it with us, how did it feel to go into it? And, it's not what we're not looking for. We're not looking for, like, it felt amazing and I was on fire. I mean, sure.
That would be great. I will take it if that's what shows up, but it might be more of like, when a deer is first born and they stand up really quickly, and they learn to walk really quickly soon after they're born. But they're like, so wobbly. It's probably going to feel like that. It is probably going to feel like the shaky legs of a baby deer.
But when the baby deer's legs shake, it's not like, ‘screw this, I give up, I must be an idiot for this being so hard, and my legs shaking so much. No.’ It like takes a step and then another step and then another step. But the other thing that it doesn't do, it doesn't give up. But then it also isn't like, ‘now I have to run. Shaky legs, be damned.’ [laughs]
Oh, I wish that I had like a little baby deer puppet. It allows, right, this is the acceptance pillar of Radical Self-Belief. It allows for the shaking its steps, but it like accepts that the steps are smaller, right? Because we've got to get into the shaky steps before we can get into the unshaky run.
So, let yourself be the baby deer with the shaky steps, let yourself be the baby deer with the shaky steps and really what we're doing here, what I'm asking you to do is like, tip-toeing into wisdom, tip-toeing into knowledge, accepting that this is hard, but having faith in yourself as a person of integrity, right?
That's the thing. I just got real animated there for a reason. This is important. This is your life. This is your life. I think I contend that there is a way to help you feel better in the days of your life without having to build those walls, without having to become a really, really, really highly capable wall-builder or a highly capable faker, highly capable compartmentalizer. So, how can you--
You know, it's not fake it until you make it. It's, ‘oh, this feels hard. Here I go. Okay. Ah, I'm nervous. Hmm. I don't know if I can do this. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Ha!’ Right? Like, that's what we're after. That's what we're looking for. And, the key is that if you-- I mean, I don't know anyone who has not experienced that, but when you're experiencing that, right?
So again, this is taking kind of the conceptual into the experience of it, which is very different. But when you're experiencing that, the thing I want you to practice, the key is that you don't make yourself wrong. Right? Right? You don't make yourself wrong, right? You like that? Yeah. Because making ourselves wrong, it's in Buddhism, they call this the second arrow.
Like the first arrow hits you and it hurts. But then the second arrow is like, what? The story that you tell yourself about the first arrow and about yourself, and that actually causes more pain and suffering. And so, when you make yourself wrong for feeling what you feel, the angst of that is what really piles on.
And so, what we're trying to do is separate out the experience from what you're telling yourself about the experience. I actually think I'm going to offer a completely alternative perspective, a completely opposite perspective of, I don't think that it's wrong to feel all of these things.
In fact, I think that it's pointing to you being a person who lives in a way that honors your values, that it's about you being a person of integrity, who wants to show up fully to everything that you touch.
You being a person who gives the whole of yourself to the things that you're involved in, or at least wants to, but often our expectations weigh us down. So, then we have to like, I don't know, numb out on scrolling TikTok, and then we can't give-- There is no whole of ourselves to give, right? And, it also points to-- This is going to--
I mean, roll your eyes if you want, and I'm going to say it, it points to love. It points to like being a person who loves, being a person who loves the experience of being engaged, in touch with, turned on by their life and by everything that this life offers. And, you know, again, easier said than done, but there is a way that when the guilt and the doubt and the uncertainty show up that like knowing that.
Like, I love being a full integrity. Sometimes integrity means feeling the wobbles in the legs when you're the newborn baby dear, right? How often do we think that the way to be a person of integrity is to power through and essentially, act as if we are different from ourselves, which is the opposite of integrity, right?
Integrity is like being the most you, really walking the truth of you, but in our quest to be a person of integrity, we wear so many masks that we think we should. So, how do things change when you let the wobbly feelings point to integrity and love and truth, and like you being the most you possible in the world, which is a beautiful and rare and amazing thing?
How does that change things? What happens then? And, then the question is, well, the question that may be showing up for you; the question that I'm going to answer next is, okay. Yay! Yeah. Yeah. That all sounds great, but like, how do I deal with it in the moment?’
And, this is always something that we have to think about and grapple with, right? Because often, for things in our lives, we know the “answer”, the right answer, but living it is a completely different thing. And, my answer, y'all, it's like the best answer. And also, I know it's a really annoying answer to get. The answer is you come back to breath.
All you have to do in the moment, all I want you to do is breathe. Remember to take like two deep breaths. That's all I need. ‘No, it can't be-- It can't be that simple.’ Well, it is. And often, we forget to breathe. Now, the reason that I want you to breathe is that if you are spinning out, if your brain is going in a million different directions, you're not going to be capable of like logical thought, right?
You're not going to be capable of making strategic decisions. You're not going to be capable of honestly, doing the things that you know you should. And just being like, ‘no, this is just my wobbly legs and it's fine. And, I am just a baby dear.’ I wish, right? We all need to have like little Bambi bracelets or something. What happens in that moment is you need to calm yourself down.
You need to tend to your nervous system via breath. And, have I seen people's lives be changed with deliberate breathing? I have. I'm giving y'all secrets right now. Yes, I have. I have. You've got to breathe. Okay. So, I'm going to take y'all on a slight detour now in thinking about, why breathing, why does it matter? And, we're going to take a slight detour via the Bible.
I think you can manage this with me. And, remembering though, like, when I talk about the Bible, when I talk about like the life of Jesus, the person, that I'm not doing it through a lens of any specific religion, that I'm doing it more of like, this was somebody who lived thousands of years ago. And, who I think was like getting to a fundamental truth about being a human on this planet, right?
Like, this is about like the human condition and what is it like to be a human on a planet with other humans where a lot of people are acting in ways that you might personally disagree with.
And, you know, thinking about the Bible as like a collection of ancient wisdom, and one thing that I find so fascinating about the Bible and learning more about it and reading it and all of that is like, people back then were talking about the same things, y'all, that we're talking about now.
And, you know, we think that all of these challenges we're facing, it's so easy to think that they're like new and recent. And, if only I could figure them out, then everything would be fine and fall into place.
And then we think, well, like wipe our hands of it and be done. And, when, in fact, it's like, people have been grappling with these ideas for thousands of years. And, like, maybe the beauty and the piece is found in allowing the grapple and allowing these to still be churning around and knowing that there's never a fix, but we can always get closer to ourselves, right?
Not to the truth or the answer or the one way, but to ourselves. So, I recently came across, I get email newsletter from a life coach named Reverend Cindy Pincus, life coach and Reverend. This newsletter was talking about the beatitudes. And, the beatitudes, which I had to look up how to pronounce that, the beatitudes are, you're probably familiar with them.
They are from Jesus's sermon on the Mount, from the Bible. Okay. Stick with me again, follow me here. And, these are, blessed are the poor for theirs is a kingdom of heaven; blessed are the meek for, they shall inherit the earth. Right? We've heard these before. Now, what this newsletter was talking about is how scholars have gone back and looked at the Aramaic translations from the Bible, right?
The Aramaic was Jesus' language, spoken language; and Aramaic is, there are a lot more words, definitions in that language than in the Greek. And so, they have gone back and retranslated things from the Aramaic. And, I promise, this has a point about breathing. This is what is so amazing, y'all. Okay. So, like, I found this earlier this week and I was like, ‘oh my God, it's all about breathing.’
So, beatitudes #1 was, we thought it was or we're taught, blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Okay, great. Sure. But here is, if we go to the Aramaic translation, this is what we get; “Happy and aligned with the one, are those who find their home in the breathing, to them belong the inner kingdom and queendom of heaven”.
And, what's so interesting here, right, is number one is like, they were just talking about breathing, who find their home in the breathing, like being a human connecting with your breath, but then to them belong the inner kingdom and queendom of heaven.
And, there was this whole thing that, again, I don't think they're talking about very often now, but how heaven is something that we can find within ourselves. And again, when I talk about heaven, I'm trying to talk about it as a poetic device here. Right? We can, as a feeling, a way of being, instead of like the place where you go after you die, if you don't sin.
We're all allowed to believe what we believe, right? I'm not saying one way is wrong, or not. I just wanted to asterisk that. But for the sake of this podcast episode, we're talking about the idea of, what if heaven is less of a place and more of a feeling that we can carry within ourselves? A feeling of peace, a feeling of calm, a feeling of ease, a feeling of connection. Yeah.
“Happy and aligned with the one, are those who find their home in the breathing, to them belong the inner kingdom and queendom of heaven.” Ooh, I love it, y'all. I love it, because we were talking about this 2000 years ago, about the power, the simple power of breath.
So, it's easy to discount and think that we need to read a whole blog post about a thing and a thing and a thing with all the steps, but maybe just play with the breath, see what happens, watch what happens. Okay. We're coming back. Detour is over.
The final thing I'm going to talk about now is that question at the end of, ‘when, what is enough? Have I worked enough? Have I worked hard enough? Is it good enough? When is enough, enough?’ And, the thing is that if we rest on that question, if we have to live in a way where the answer to that question is an absolute, yes, we never get to stop because there is no way, right?
Like, enough according to who, who makes the rules, what does good enough mean? What does good enough mean? So instead, as a person of integrity, because even that question, it means that you're a person of integrity, but you're letting somebody else determine when you are in integrity, that doesn't work.
That doesn't work, because then people are like, ‘could you give me a little more? Could you give me a little more? Could you give me a little more?’ Of course, that's what they're going to do.
So, then we get to ask, ‘how will I know when I've shown up fully? How will I know when I have given this, what I'm able to give? How will I know when I have delivered on my promise? How will I know when I am being my true self? How will I know that this is true for me?’ Right? Because sometimes giving what we're able to give means we're not given very much in that moment.
Sometimes you're given all, we're given the farm. ‘Oh yeah. Take it. Take, it feels great.’ Who wins when you give somebody else the power to determine what your own personal enough is? And, y'all, really, this is, so-- This is like, again, easier said than done, but like a really powerful question to ask, who wins when you don't ever stop, who wins when you're not anchored, when you're not grounded, when you are not being the most you that you can be in this world? And, that doesn't mean that you never get to stop. Right? It's not this like relentless thing.
It's being true to yourself so that when you're tired, you're tired and you rest and you find restoration. And, you give, give; you don't just give, give, give, give, give, give. No, no, no, no. What questions can you start asking? What questions are you ready to stop asking? Like, what questions are you so tired trying to answer?
Just move them off to the side for a little bit and see what else is available when you make that space. Don't forget to breathe. I know, seems so simple. It's an invitation to everything. Thank you for listening. If you want to find out more about Grown-Up Gap Year, get on that early-bird wait list. I can't wait. You're amazing. Thank you so much, more so soon.
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