Tiffany Han [00:00:00]: Hey, hey. To all my ambitious overthinkers and creative big dreamers who are tired of trading their sanity for success and are ready instead to find a gentler, easier, and more effective way of getting things done. I am one month shy of my 45th birthday, and over the weekend, I realized that I actually feel the best that I have ever felt in my entire life. And today I am going to share with you the ten things that I said ideos to in order to feel that way. The surprising and unexpected effects and simple ways that you can start feeling your best, too, no matter which age you are. And by the end of this video, you are going to be ready to get moving towards a life that feels fan freaking tastic. Sound good? Let's go. Okay, y'all.

Tiffany Han [00:00:52]: The first thing that I gave up to feel my best was huge. And not only did it leave me feeling great, it also left me with more money in my pocket. And that is Internet clothes shopping as entertainment. Oh, yes. Yes. I used to love ooh, I'm gonna get a new sweater. Ooh, that thing's on sale. Ooh, look how cute that is.

Tiffany Han [00:01:11]: I need that immediately. Cha ching, cha ching, cha ching. At Takart checkout. Here we go. In 2022, I did a project called year of no where. I took a year off of social media, but I also took a year off of buying clothes, buying beauty products, buying hair care products, anything that I found myself being influenced for. I said goodbye to it in 2022. Was it hard? At first, yes.

Tiffany Han [00:01:36]: Did I get tired of my clothes? Honestly? No. Because I have plenty of clothes and I don't need anything new. When I came back from that project in 2023, I thought that I was going to go hog wild buying new clothes. And what I had learned was that I don't need that to be my entertainment, and I pretty much have everything that I need now. Am I ever swayed by online sales? Yes, all the time. Here is how I handle it now. When I see something that I really like, instead of buying it, adding to cart checking out which they make oh so easy peasy, I add it to a Pinterest board that I keep called thrift store inspirations. And these are all of the things that I see out in the world that I would love to have one day hanging in my closet.

Tiffany Han [00:02:28]: But I don't have to buy the actual thing. And instead, it can become an adventure looking for things in the thrift store. If I am buying something new buying clothes retail, I am not being pulled out. The whim of an algorithm or a marketing campaign. Instead, it's because I have sat down and reflected on what I need, and I go in search of the product, I find it, and then I'm done. Think about for yourself, how much time are you spending looking at clothing on the Internet, opening those emails and clicking through, paying for the things on the Internet, packing them up, trying them on, sending them back, getting your replacement sizes, all of that. And then think about how much are you actually wearing them? Are you getting the thing that you think you're getting from them? Okay. The second thing that I have let go of is giving away my time for free.

Tiffany Han [00:03:42]: For the last two years, I have done a volunteer job with my kids school, coaching a team that they were on, and we were highly successful in this team. Our team made it to the world finals both years. That was great, but. And I doing this project, that was part of me wanting to feel like a great mom and feel like I was showing up for them and supporting things that were important to my kids, y'all. It took so much away from me. It hurt my business. It really hurt my mental health. And it wasn't actually helping me show up as the parent that I wanted to be.

Tiffany Han [00:04:24]: And so this summer, I realized I can't do this anymore. I had a talk with my husband. I talked to the kids, and I was like, I have to be out. The school year has now started. And, y'all, I thought maybe I was going to feel some fomo. Maybe I was going to feel like I was missing out or like, oh, I really wish that I had done it. Uh uh. I feel so good because my time has become my own again.

Tiffany Han [00:04:54]: Now, does that mean that I'm never going to volunteer for anything ever again? No. Because remember, life is not all or nothing. Instead, what it means for me is that I am only going to offer my time to other people if I feel like I have a surplus of time as it currently exists. I don't. I'm still trying to find little pockets of downtime for myself, and so I don't have any time to give away. That is okay. And at this busy season that I'm in, my priorities need to be myself, my business, my work, and the people in my house. And once I feel like those things are handled, then I can move outwards in that circle and start to consider other things.

Tiffany Han [00:05:47]: All right, y'all, number three is I stopped ignoring my capacity. Ha. Wow. What a revelation. Simple, not easy, am I right? Typically, in the before times when I was making my to do list, when I was making plans for my week, or when I was setting goals for the year, or my life, or my family, or a holiday break, whatever. I would set my goals based on best case scenario, capacity. Based on a capacity where I have no childcare issues, where I get a solid eight and a half hours of sleep, where I am allowed just an easy peasy, lovely morning to drink my coffee and eat my nutritious breakfast and take a walk and take a shower and get myself ready. Okay, pop.

Tiffany Han [00:06:38]: How often do you think I actually have all of those circumstances coming into play? Like, never. And what I used to do when I would not feel that capacity is I would expect an really white knuckle my way into my capacity, pulling it up to the level of the needs of my to do list. No more. Now, what I do is I consider my capacity as I am making plans, when I plan things, when I set goals, I don't say, what is the best case scenario. I say, what is the middle to worst case scenario, because I know that my expectations are completely unrealistic. And I wonder if yours are too. Could you be better served by being more realistic about what you are able to do and by recognizing your capacity in any given moment, and instead of expecting your capacity to rise to the level of your to do list, allowing yourself the grace and flexibility to shift what you plan on doing and how you show up to everything that matters to you based on your capacity. Is that possible? Maybe.

Tiffany Han [00:07:54]: Number four, I quit ignoring my needs. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Uh oh. So what that means is, number one, I had to acknowledge that I had needs. Number two, I had to stop being that person who goes along with what everybody else. No, no, no, it's fine.

Tiffany Han [00:08:10]: Oh, no, I got this. I had to stop playing the role of consummate hostess to everybody else's needs and instead start looking in the mirror and understanding that I too have needs and getting to know what they were and then learning how to advocate for myself. Yeah. Also, number five, stopped ignoring my desires. Now, what's the difference between a need and a desire? A need is one of those inherent human things. This is what I need, like required for existence. And a desire is something that would just feel good, something that would feel luxurious, something that would feel delightful, something that would feel easeful, something that would just feel good. We are not taught that we are allowed to feel good.

Tiffany Han [00:09:00]: And I will tell you, when I think about feeling my best as I run into the arms of 45, a huge part of that is I started meeting my own needs, making sure that I put that oxygen mask on myself before I took care of other people. And then also acknowledging and letting myself be hungry to my desires and then figuring out what I needed to do to have those desires met. Now I want to be really clear that this can feel huge. But so often for me, as I think about those needs and those desires, they are actually little tiny nibbles that have made the biggest difference to me. Sleeping in until 730 or eight on the weekends, having some caramel syrup to put occasionally in my coffee, being able to take a little bit of a nap, eating lunch outside, scheduling a phone call with a friend and taking a walk for an hour. Those are not massive life changes. Especially not the massive life changes that might show up to you when you consider no longer ignoring your desires. And they can have a tremendous difference.

Tiffany Han [00:10:12]: They can make a tremendous difference if you let them and if you keep going. Number six thing that I stopped doing to feel the best that I've ever felt, as I am one month shy of 45, is I stopped thinking that the things that make me different as a person make me wrong. Yeah, I am allowed to be different from other people, and neither of us have to be wrong and neither of us have to be right. And I know that there is space for all of us and the things that make us different in this world. Let me give you an example. So my husband is a morning person. He pops out of bed about 536 every single morning and just is awake and does not need done so many things to make myself a morning person. And finally this year, I just accepted I need more sleep than you.

Tiffany Han [00:11:02]: I have different rhythms and needs, and that is okay. That does not make me wrong. We can also think about this in terms of business, in terms of branding, in terms of creativity, in terms of parenting. Oh, my God. In terms of parenting and in terms of all of the messages that are put out into our brains about the right way to do things. And if we don't get in line and get on board, then there is something wrong with us. That is not true. And what happens to you? How much freedom do you feel when you stop believing that? Okay, y'all, number seven related.

Tiffany Han [00:11:36]: They're all related is I quit censoring myself. Here's what I mean by that. I, in the before times, used to be having a conversation with someone and I would think something, but I wouldn't always say it out loud. There were certain times in my life where I felt like I could. And certain times in my life where I felt like I couldn't or certain topics that I felt like I could talk about openly and certain ones that I didn't. And I am not talking about the boundaries that you might have when it comes to talking politics with certain family members. Sure. I don't actually think that self censorship, I think that self protection, that is a completely different thing.

Tiffany Han [00:12:13]: I am talking about the way that you might walk through your life presenting different versions of yourself to different people. And what would happen if you started just letting one version of you be true. And what would happen if you started saying things out loud instead of getting in your head and thinking about like, oh, I don't know how that will go and I don't know how that person will understand it or how they'll receive it. And so I'm not going to say it. Or what I would often do is I don't know what that's going to make that person think of me. And again, this is not about these massive values driven things. Often it was about things with my work, about my ideas, about silly little things that I made be so big in my head. Now what do I do? I just say it out loud when I think it.

Tiffany Han [00:13:04]: I over communicate. I over talk. Is that shocking to anybody? And it's the best because I no longer have these little weird secrets from people and I no longer have to remember, did I already tell you that or not? Instead, I just say it out loud and it feels so great and it's freed up all of that mental energy that I'm not overthinking everything and wondering when would be the right time to say it. I'm not managing myself. Number eight, something that I stopped doing is I stopped thinking about, quote, tomorrow. And instead, and especially when we think about my capacity, my needs, my desires, no longer censoring myself, really saying, what do I want my life to look like I started looking at today. Sure, I might have someday goals, but I also know that just putting things off until tomorrow is not going to make them possible. So, for example, almost a year ago, I started working out with the trainer.

Tiffany Han [00:14:10]: I've talked about that in my videos before. I've got my workout tracker right here for my, for my year. I've also got my 500 miles walked tracker here with those two goals. And it's so, it's so easy, y'all. I am somebody who I have tried to, I have tried to consistently work out for years, years. And I've had fits and starts, I've had peaks and valleys with that. And what I realized a year ago was it's never going to be easier for me to get in shape than it is right now. It's never going to be easier for me to start than it is right now.

Tiffany Han [00:14:56]: And I worked with my trainer and we made different two workouts a week, three workouts a week, five mini workouts a week, whatever. You know, things definitely evolved, but having that week goal essentially got me to be like, okay, if I'm not doing it today, when am I doing it? Make that commitment, put it down on paper and then actually do it. Because I could have kept putting things off until tomorrow forever. But we get to that point where we're like, tomorrow is not here, sweetheart. And like, tomorrow is never going to be here. So what are you going to do today? And if you're not willing or able to actually do the thing that's okay, what are you gonna do instead? Related to that number nine thing that I quit doing was I quit wishing away the now. You know that feeling when you look back at pictures of yourself from like your twenties or, I don't know, maybe it's just me. And I look at those pictures and I'm like, oh my God, girl, you looked amazing.

Tiffany Han [00:15:57]: Why were you so worried about your tummy? Or why were you thinking that your legs were too big? Or why were you hiding in that bathing suit or whatever? And I could look back on those pictures of my life forever and ask those questions. And what that shows me is that I don't want to wish away what I have right now in favor of some external right way of being. And instead, even if I have a little extra belly right here, that's okay. What do I need to do today to feel as good as possible about my body? Honestly? Move, exercise, take a walk, put my phone down, stop scrolling, stop buying clothes online when I get them home and they don't fit. And then my feelings are hurt. Buy this random box that showed up on my doorstep of things that I don't even actually think I want, that I'm not wearing. Anyway, today on stop it. So I've stopped doing that.

Tiffany Han [00:17:02]: I've stopped wishing away right now in favor of often this nebulous, completely undefined goal way of being a dream life. And instead I've started saying, what if this is my dream life? What if this is my dream house? What if this is my dream body? What if this is my dream wardrobe? What do I do then? How do I move through my life if the dream has already arrived? If I'm already living the dream, what is different? Which leads us into number ten thing that I quit doing is thinking that something is too small to matter, y'all. The little things are your life. The little things are my life. And what happens when I say my dream life is here today? Even if there's a big mess over here, I promise. And there's a big mess over here. And there's a big mess over here. So how do I live my dream life amidst all of that mess? It's not about completely overhauling things.

Tiffany Han [00:18:10]: It's about taking those little, teeny, tiny baby steps and letting them matter and letting them count. And in fact, saying, wow. It's like these steps actually are more impactful when they're combined than me waiting for this perfect, right, amazing, giant step that these little things that are easy, that are doable, that are fun, that are here right now, are actually more impactful and more effective, and they require less energy than waiting for those big, massive moves that the world tells us we need. Okay, y'all, I have one more bonus one. And this one might be hard for some of you. Some of you maybe have already gotten there, but I have let go. I have quit trying to find the low maintenance way of living my life. I grew up in the eighties and nineties and was taught that the low maintenance girl was the dream, right? She, like, didn't need time to get ready.

Tiffany Han [00:19:23]: She always looked great with that no makeup makeup look. She could hang with the guys and chug beers, but be adorable about it. And, you know, one of those could talk sports with the best of them. You know what? As I have started to honor my capacity and look at my needs and look at my desires and make space for all of those things and no longer censor myself, I am not low maintenance. I am not a spider plant. Instead, yes, I have needs. There are things about me that need maintenance, that need time in order to maintain. That does not make me a problem.

Tiffany Han [00:20:09]: That does not make you a problem. Your life's purpose is not to be convenient to other people. Yes, we can connect and we can love and we can support and we can grow and we can help. We can lift each other up. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But it does not work if your needs are not being met or if you are having to censor yourself. Remember, y'all, small changes can lead to big transformations. And if you are now feeling the drive to quit something.

Tiffany Han [00:20:44]: Yes. Say yes to that whisper. Go for it. Let me know down in the comments what you want to quit. Or if you have any other questions, give this video a thumbs up. And if something that you want to quit is thinking that the answer to the life you want is to work harder and that you can ease up on things once you get to that place of success. I want you to watch this video next because it is going to tell you why that is not true and what to do instead.