[00:00:00] Hey y'all. Welcome back this week. I want to pick up where we left off last week with part three out of three of this pivotal Yes series where in part one I talked about the yeses that made the biggest difference in my life and how they felt, because the results that you get from them don't always match how they feel.

[00:00:20] Last week I talked about how to actually listen to those whispers, how to be with them, figure out which ones you want to follow, how to be on that journey. Today I wanna talk about radical self-belief because radical self-belief is really at the heart of all of this. As you think about the life that you want, as you think about taking these big steps, as you think about saying yes to the things that you wanna say yes to, saying no to the things that you know aren't serving you.

[00:00:53] The world is busy and shouty and every thing in the world wants you to [00:01:00] be a certain way, usually comes down to getting your money or your attention, or both. And what you get to do, and the reason that we wanna talk about radical self-belief is that you wanna get to a place where you can live amidst all the noise.

[00:01:17] And you might hear it. Sometimes it batterers you around, but you are not constantly bringing that noise in and then using it to inform your decisions, to inform how you feel about yourself, how you feel about your life, what you set as your priorities, and how you move through your day. That noise is not going to go away and so instead we wanna say, what do I do even though the noise is still there? Enter radical self-belief. Radical self-belief does not mean that you believe that you have the answers when you know you don't. It's not false confidence that we're selling. It's also [00:02:00] not bravado or machismo or oh, this pompous way of being.

[00:02:06] No, that is also not radical self-belief. Radical self-belief also does not require that you feel completely clear all the time. There may be no answers and you can still be in radical self-belief. What radical self-belief means is that you understand that you can trust yourself, that you are able to say, I don't know the answer right now, but I know that when it's time for me to do something, I am able and willing to figure it out. And that is so much more powerful than always having the quick easy answer that so often we put the pressure on ourselves to have.

[00:02:46] But how does it work ? Especially if you are grappling with one of those nos that I talked about over the last couple of weeks that feel important, feel scary [00:03:00] or it is one of the nos that is like. Going to completely shift how you show up in your life. One of the things that I shared was around my decision to quit drinking. That was something that I tried to ignore. I tried to push back. I tried to say nope, this sober life is not for me . And at that point, when I was grappling with that decision, alcohol was a mainstay in my life. It wasn't something that other people would look at and say, this is a problem, but I knew inside one that it was, and two, that it wasn't going to end well.

[00:03:38] What did radical self-belief look like in that moment? It looked very different than me here seven and a half years later, making a YouTube video and a podcast being like here's what I'll tell you about radical self-belief. Here are all the things that I've learned in hindsight. In the moment, it was number one.

[00:03:53] Oh no, I can't want that. Number two oh, Maybe I do. Oh, what would that look like? Whoa. [00:04:00] A lot of fear,

[00:04:02] a lot of anxiety. And simultaneously letting my decision develop felt like a homecoming. It started to open up within me. and then, it took me a while to tell people, because I knew number one, there are other people in my life who we enjoy drinking together. Number two, I was very nervous that it would become something of shining a light on myself where other people didn't think there was a problem, but I did.

[00:04:31] And then it'd be, it was like, let me put a big spotlight on this problem.

[00:04:35] But number three, it also felt really vulnerable for me to say, this is something I've noticed. This is something I need. So the radical self-belief again, wasn't like, that's okay. I'm gonna go bulldoze my life, go screaming into the room and explode with this information. Instead, it looked like me staying [00:05:00] on the path often pretty quietly, and taking those baby steps.

[00:05:08] We feel like our lives need these huge, bold moves and these massive changes, and that we are supposed to just, here I'm world, take me and accept me, and all the things. And then when we go to do it, it's like somebody pulling you to the edge of a cliff and being like, okay, jump.

[00:05:29] And then you're like, what? No. What? No. Not only one I, am not used to jumping off cliffs, and so I don't really know how to do this, but number two, this survival instinct, literally, if you're on the edge of a cliff, kicks in where you're like, this doesn't feel safe.

[00:05:49] What we get to do and what radical self-belief allows us to do is create the container of safety within which we get to evolve and live and [00:06:00] experiment and play, and figure things out,. We're creating that container as we take our baby steps, but it's not just be safe, just figure it out. Just feel safe, right?

[00:06:11] That's not what we're saying. In those moments when you're like, oh, I don't how to do this, that's okay. That is 100% okay, because honestly, does anybody know how to do any of it? One of the big secrets that I've learned being an adult is that everybody is making it up as they go.

[00:06:33] So you might as well play along for yourself too. Yeah. Now what I wanna do is introduce you to what I call the five pillars of radical self-belief. My acronym for these is DF Stag. Maybe one day I can come up, figure out a word for that. But df stag is what we've got. So there we go.

[00:06:55] And I wanna go through each of these pillars and talk about what it might look [00:07:00] like for you, what it might feel like for you, and how you can use it to deepen your radical self-belief.

[00:07:05] Because it's not as easy as oh, just believe in yourself. I wish it was, I really wish it was, but if it was that easy, I wouldn't be here and you probably wouldn't either. So the D in our DF stag is discernment, y'all. We are in this world where it is amazing how quickly discernment flies out the window, and honestly how little our culture values wisdom.

[00:07:38] And I am here to say that there is such a place for wisdom and for discernment, and for moving more slowly through your life so that you are able to ask questions and think about and decide what you need, what you don't need, what feels good, what doesn't feel good, really using those [00:08:00] critical thinking skills.

[00:08:02] Imagine for a moment if everybody used their critical thinking skills more what that would bring. We can think about it globally, but we can also think about it individually here.

[00:08:12] When did you last deliberately and with intention call on your critical thinking skills. When did you allow yourself to ask different questions, deeper questions, more questions? When did you allow yourself to go deeper into something instead of just thinking about more, faster, better. And what did that bring you?

[00:08:40] So we're looking at when did you last do that? And also what was the result of it? Because I ask this question to people all the time, and I've never once had someone come back and be like, the result was that I felt worse and everything got harder. It might get a little bit harder in the beginning because slowing down is actually really [00:09:00] challenging when we're used to going a million miles an hour.

[00:09:02] Sure.

[00:09:04] But what people say time and time again when we talk about bringing that discernment in is, oh my God, it opened up so much. And guess what? I realized that I already had the answer. I already knew what I needed and I just needed to get outta my head. And what we're doing with that discernment is we're getting into our hearts.

[00:09:25] We're getting into our bodies. Oh, it's it is so good. And I wanna be really clear. Discernment is not something that is a one and done thing. Discernment is not something that we only bring out in the beginning of listening to our whispers that we only bring out when it's time to actually say them out loud.

[00:09:44] Throughout all of the different places you're gonna go, throughout all the different steps of your journey, you are gonna be leaning on that discernment as much as you can. And whenever you find yourself feeling wobbly, [00:10:00] this is why it's one of our pillars of radical self-belief. Think about, do you need to lean into your discernment?

[00:10:08] Discernment doesn't make the wobbles go away, but it allows you to stay with yourself when things start to feel wobbly. And do you see the difference there? When we're thinking about it up here, we're like, how do I make the wobbles go away? But when we're feeling into it, what we actually realize is, oh.

[00:10:34] I can survive the wobbles. It may not be what I choose for myself, but I'm here and I'm okay. And what a beautiful gift that is to be able to stay with yourself in those moments and keep moving forward and things, start to open up more and more from that place.

[00:10:50] Our second pillar. Is faith. Thank you Mr. George Michael, for the faith. The faith. The faith. Yeah. Faith. Df stag. [00:11:00] Faith gives us belief in something, even when we can't see it or feel it, even when the outcome is uncertain.

[00:11:08] You, call on faith when you are in the midst of the most doubt. When it is going to feel the hardest because of the lack of proof or because of the immense uncertainty. This is the thing we forget, people will say, oh, I could have faith if only X, Y, Z.

[00:11:29] And what they're essentially saying is, I could have faith if there was proof of all this, but we don't need faith if there's proof. I don't need faith to help me believe in this pen. It's in my hand. But all the other things, that things are gonna be okay, that the world is not gonna end after the November election.

[00:11:50] That I'll wake up in the morning, that this work matters. That there is somebody right now who needs to hear what I have to [00:12:00] say. That's the faith I need. Especially when my doubt is the loudest.

[00:12:06] One of my favorite things to do for faith is to create my own proof. Because our brains forget about reality. If I'm in the place of, oh, this work doesn't matter, I might as well just go get a job. I'll make a list of things I've done. I'll think about people I've helped.

[00:12:22] I'll be like, Hey universe, give me a sign. Show me that this work matters. And I tell y'all every time I do that, there is a DM over on Instagram that is like telling me how something I did or said or offered or, produced or made, changed somebody's life. So we can create proof. We don't need to depend on the stinky brain of ours to always be able to find it. Next up is a ST in DF Stag and that is spirit tending. What Spirit tending invites us to ask is how am I [00:13:00] in relationship with myself and what can I do to deepen that relationship with that deeper part of myself?. I wanna know how are you tending to and taking care of your connection to the spirit within you. When I talk about spirit tending it gets very prescriptive. We can think very obligation based and what comes to mind for people is usually some version of prayer, meditation, journaling, something that seems to require a lot of discipline, and if that works for you.

[00:13:35] Great, fantastic. But if it doesn't or if the idea of spirit tending based on these old ways of thinking are like, oh my God, do I really have to? Or it's something that you're like, I know I should, but I keep putting out, we could do a, whole episode about the I should, but I keep putting it off and let me know in comments if you want [00:14:00] that.

[00:14:00] That's what shows up when you think about spirit tending. I wanna give you a different perspective to it, and it's this question, what makes you feel most alive? Hopefully it's simple and easy to answer. What makes you feel most alive? Another way to think about it is what activity leaves you feeling better, significantly better, more alive, more like yourself than when it found you.

[00:14:24] Here are my answers. Yes. Journal. I love journaling. I, think they would take away my life coach badge if I didn't enjoy journaling, meditation. Sure. Taking walks, sure. But also baking, having dance parties. Listening to certain music, sometimes taking a shower, taking a nap. Oh yeah. Books.

[00:14:46] Conversations with people that really light me up. Those times when you're with a friend and you belly laugh and then your, stomach hurts from laughing so hard and you have to wipe the tears away. Guess what? Every single thing that [00:15:00] I've named can be spirit tending.

[00:15:02] When you think about spirit tending and you think about deepening that radical self-belief, let it be whatever feels so joyful to you. Hallmark movies, great rom-coms. Great. The West Wing, great puppy kisses ice cream riding your bike rope swings. Great. No wrong answers here. And even letting that spirit tending be your version is practicing radical self-belief.

[00:15:33] We're also in there practicing discernment, thinking about it deeper, practicing faith, letting it be okay, letting it be enough. Next up, we have most people's least favorite. Of the pillars, our A and DF stag is acceptance. Ooh. But I don't like acceptance, Tiffany. I know. Trust me. None of us like acceptance because acceptance often means [00:16:00] acknowledging and accepting where we don't have control, what we can change, what we can't change.

[00:16:06] Acceptance means that we are no longer fighting with reality. I like to use the metaphor of you're walking outside and it's raining and acceptance means that you say, oh, it's raining. And then move forward accordingly. So acceptance does not mean that you are complacent. Acceptance doesn't mean that you're excited by something. Acceptance also doesn't mean that you don't push back against something. Acceptance means that you accept where you can and cannot control things.

[00:16:37] Which actually it feels powerless, but what it does is it actually is empowering. It creates more personal power because you get to decide where to put yourself and where you'll be most effective. And imagine if we lived in a world where we all did that instead of being numb and just doing whatever we all do or [00:17:00] pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't. Acceptance means that you tell the truth, that you tell the truth out loud. You tell the truth to yourself first and foremost, and maybe when you're not ready to say it out loud, you at least practice saying it to yourself. Finally, we have Grace, the G and df.

[00:17:16] Stag and Grace is the unearned gift of letting yourself show up fully no matter what. It means that you forgive yourself for things that you've done wrong. It means that you do not beat yourself up. It means that you love yourself through the process of living your life as much as you possibly can. Wow, that sounds great.

[00:17:39] It might sound impossible. Living in it can be hard especially when so many of us have been conditioned to punish ourselves for the sake of performance. If only I push myself hard enough. Grace means that you don't have to earn your life, that you don't have to earn the right to be loved.[00:18:00]

[00:18:00] To tend to your spirit that you don't have to earn the right to trust yourself that you can do that just because you're here as a human and what a beautiful gift. All of these pillars and radical self-belief, they are all things that you practice. None of these are switches that you can just flip on and off.

[00:18:22] None of these are permanent destinations. I wish they were. I wish it was like inside out and we could just arrive to the island of discernment. Or we get all the islands up and then there we go. Everything is fixed. That is not how this works. So what I want you to do now, when you're thinking about the yeses and you're thinking about the whispers you wanna listen to, and then you're thinking about.

[00:18:44] How to actually keep moving through it. I want you to commit to nothing more than practicing. You don't have to practice perfectly. It doesn't have to be something where you are consistent every single day, and you never miss a day.

[00:18:58] we are not saying [00:19:00] there is only one right way. In fact, I am saying your way today is the right way for you today, and your way might change tomorrow. And that's okay too because we evolve. We are humans. If we aren't evolving, the species is dying off. It's basic. That's how it works.

[00:19:22] So as you evolve, as your discernment grows deeper, yeah, things are gonna change. That doesn't mean you were doing it wrong last week or two years ago, or when you were 14. Just means now you have more information. Grace, acceptance, faith. We're weaving this really beautiful tapestry of you and the life you want

[00:19:45] how you wanna feel. So when things feel hard, just do one rep. Think about what would be most helpful to me right now. One rep, a single rep. That is how practice leads to [00:20:00] progress that we're all so hungry for, and how we move through our lives where showing up with radical self-belief just becomes a habit.

[00:20:06] It just becomes how we are. Look at her. Woo. I like it.

[00:20:10] But it's not something that you put on before you get started, and it's also not something that will be permanently with you. There will be wobbles, I promise. I promise, and I trust that you are a person who can figure things out. Ooh, it's good. It's so good. Y'all. It's so, good. Tell me what you think.

[00:20:34] Let me know if you have any questions. Let me know you're, yeah. Buts. Let me know what else you would like to hear from, subscribe, follow if you are not, thank you for being here. I'll see you soon with more.