Tiffany Han [00:00:10]: Hey, y'all, let's get into it this week. I want to talk about all those things that you want to say yes to, and I want to talk about what you need to get into place in your life for yourself in order to say the yes. Now, this might be annoying, I'm sorry, but also, I'm not. Here's why. If what you wanted, these bold moves that you were after was as easy as just snapping your fingers, making a list and saying yes, I wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be here right now. We wouldn't need to be having the this conversation, right? It's not that easy. And here's what I know that you've tried.

Tiffany Han [00:01:00]: I know that you've tried going and making the list and just writing it down. We're going to manifest it, we're going to write it down, and it's just going to happen. Meanwhile, over here, you've got the rest of your very busy life. Am I right? You've got the rest of your very busy life happening. And it's like, why can't I make this happen? They said I just need to make some moves. I just need to say yes. Why isn't it happening for me? Meanwhile, you're behind on everything over here because you're trying to say yes, but you feel kind of shitty. Cause this isn't happening.

Tiffany Han [00:01:32]: And this isn't even happening particularly well. Are you with me? And it's so easy to think that we are the problem. No, we are not the problem. The world that we live in is not designed to just keep taking on more. Nor is a world that we live in designed to just roll out the red carpet and lay out all this space so that you can start doing all those things that are on your list. Which means that we get to find a new way for you to proceed. We're gonna talk about it today, and what this is gonna offer you is a way to actually make your guests sustainable so that you can do the thing. You can get your yes.

Tiffany Han [00:02:17]: But you will also be able to incorporate it into the rest of your life. And you're not going to have to choose between this over here and everything else over here. And bonus points. But actually, what the whole thing is about is that the way that your life feels is going to be different. The way that you feel when you wake up in the morning is going to be different. The way that you feel when you go to bed at the end of the day will be different. And that, my friend, is going to make all the difference in everything else. Do you see how it works? It's like the dominoes, right? We've got, like, one domino, but we're, like, setting the foundation.

Tiffany Han [00:02:56]: Because if you set up a bunch of dominoes on a slope, what's the point, right? It's all going to. I don't know. Dominoes can't roll uphill or something. There's some kind of metaphor for that. Just trust me, okay? Think about it like this. That. Yes, that you want to say you could just do it again. You could just do it.

Tiffany Han [00:03:18]: That would be like, let's try it. Whatever you've tried it. That would be like going off the high dive. And what I'm introducing is a much more annoying path of, like, one step at a time until the pool going off the high dive is gonna make a bigger splash. I get it. Yeah. Make a bigger splash. And if you have not learned how to swim, it's only gonna be fun for that splash is only gonna matter for a second, and then you're gonna be like, I'm drowning.

Tiffany Han [00:03:49]: Right? Not a metaphor, but a metaphor, but, like, I'm drowning. We've all. We've all been there. Oh, I bit off more than I can chew. Now I am somebody who eternally bites off more than she can chew. It is part of who I am. It is a core part of my personality. And for me, saying yes often looks like going a little bit beyond my comfort zone.

Tiffany Han [00:04:11]: And here's the piece that's so important is that I am able to do that. Number one, because I accept it about myself. Number two, because I have already created my. Yes. Foundation. So that yes. Foundation. Think of it like scaffolding.

Tiffany Han [00:04:29]: Think of it like the framing of a house. We're building a house. I don't want to lay foundation. I don't want to have to deal with framing. I want to pick out curtains. Yeah, me too. Because that's when things start to get interesting. If you are a curtain person.

Tiffany Han [00:04:42]: Otherwise, you want to, like, buy artwork from Etsy and pick out paint colors and all of that. Like, how am I going to arrange my bookcase in Rainbow Order? Yes. So fun. And this doesn't matter if we don't have the foundation. So here's what I want you to think about when it comes to your yes. Foundation. And again, I want to really, really iterate. This stuff is just as important to that.

Tiffany Han [00:05:08]: Yes. That you want to say to that bigger life, that you want to live as actually doing the big thing, writing the book, pitching the agent, launching the business, quitting the job, being in the play, taking the tap dance, whatever your thing is. Could just be, like, read more smutty books or. Currently, I have a personal goal of watching more television. Great. It all counts, right? So the first place that we're gonna start, and this is really looking at, like, immediate needs. And again, nobody loves this question. And if you don't love the question, you're probably not gonna love your answer.

Tiffany Han [00:05:52]: But are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Yeah, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. We can think, like, hungry as, like, do you need to eat? But also, what else are you hungry for? Yeah, like. Like, are there conversations you're hungry for physical touch, you're hungry for connections you're hungry for? Right. Think of the word halt. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. What we're looking at with this question is, like, are those basic needs covered? If you are not feeding yourself, then you're not gonna have the energy to say yes. Now, can we make your kind of intermediary yes. Being to fix your hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Absolutely right.

Tiffany Han [00:06:45]: And, like, life is a series of yeses, so we can be saying yes to all of these things. And that's actually a great way to start taking action now, knowing that it's in service of your bigger yes. But starting with those little yeses, because here's a big secret talked about this last week, the everyday yeses are actually gonna be more powerful than the big yeses. Anyway, learning how to do the breaststroke is more powerful and more meaningful to your life than learning how to jump off a high dive. It's kinda true. Again, metaphor or not. Treadwater high dive. Sure.

Tiffany Han [00:07:26]: Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Tiffany? If I am, what do I need to do with that? I'm too busy to deal with that. That's a fun one, right? I'm too busy to deal with my fatigue. And yet you're over here dreaming about some big, powerful, amazing yes. But. But if you're too tired to, like, feel your feelings, what happens when that yes brings so many more feelings? Y'all, I told you, you're not necessarily going to like this. But these are the conversations that we need to have. How do I deal with my halt? Number one, you look it in the eye, right? You let what's true be true. You practice acceptance.

Tiffany Han [00:08:16]: It's one of those pillars of radical self belief. I can do a whole episode about the pillars of radical self belief. Trust me. Got lots to say on that. You feel your feelings, you accept it. I am hungry, I am tired. I am lonely. Right? I'm angry.

Tiffany Han [00:08:36]: Do we need to fix it 100% before you can say yes to your th. No. Come on. I mean, if, like, we had to figmake the world so that it didn't cause anger, good luck. We'll be fighting for that our whole lives. And what do you need right now, in this moment to be with your anger. Right. We don't want the anger to go away.

Tiffany Han [00:09:01]: Maybe you just need to say, I'm so mad about this. I'm angry at the injustice. I'm angry that this problem exists in my life. I'm angry that I can't get enough sleep at night. Right. I'm angry that I spend all day feeding everybody else, and I am still over here eating crumbs. Sure. Yes.

Tiffany Han [00:09:21]: Get pissed off. Yes. Yes. What's gonna happen when you start accepting it is so that, number one, it no longer has power over you the way that it used to. And number two, you are able to be grounded, be centered, and you are able to be more powerful. Right. We're not fighting it. We're just saying, yes, that's true.

Tiffany Han [00:09:48]: I am going to tell you to go to bed earlier. We'll get to that one. We'll get to that one. Next, I want you to think about containers of safety. Think about where do you feel safe enough to take a risk, depending on what kind of yes you want to say. This might be, like, a big thing. It might be like, do you feel safe in your life? But it might also be like, wow, am I giving myself permission to fail at something? Do I have supportive people around me again? We're building up that scaffolding, right? We're thinking about support. Do I have people around me who support me who I can just tell the truth to? If not, let's find you some people, right? But also, like, what's true and what's not true? Because we can sit and think like, I don't have any people.

Tiffany Han [00:10:41]: When you have got, oh, my God, like, the orchestra. Your orchestra section is full of people cheering you on and who are, like, so in love with you and want you to win so badly and think everything that you do is just the best. I promise. You have those people in your life. Are you letting yourself tell them about the things that you want to do? Are you letting them support you? Are you telling them the truth? Are you letting yourself be seen? But it's hard. I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry that it's hard, and it's hard. That's real.

Tiffany Han [00:11:29]: It gets easier with practice. All of this gets easier with practice, which means that when you are like, oh, right, I need to do that one rep. That's all you need to do one. We're just doing a bicep curl. Do one. Give me one. Give me one instance of letting yourself be seen. Give me one instance of telling the truth.

Tiffany Han [00:11:52]: Give me one instance of addressing hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Start with one. That is a rep. That is how we make this into something that is a permanent practice. Practice it once. But that's not enough. Ugh. It's also not enough.

Tiffany Han [00:12:11]: Is doing it zero times. Oh, or what? I. My personal favorite. Doing it zero times because I'm waiting for a really good time to start looking in the mirror here. Y'all. Y'all could write a whole book about that, right? About how, like, yeah, the best time to start was yesterday. So do it right now. Right? Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and what are you gonna do about it? Are you existing within a container of safety? Number three is, do you need to adopt some very annoying self care things in order to build up your tolerance, your muscles, in order to build up your capacity to come over here and do the hard things? So do you need to go to bed earlier? The answer is an emphatic nod.

Tiffany Han [00:13:17]: Yes. Yes. We all do. We all do. Now, I always, when I talk about this, I inevitably will have somebody come to me and be like, I already go to bed at 07:00 do I really need to go to bed earlier? I think I need to stay up later. Okay, right. You might be on the other end where you're like, yeah, actually, I'm getting, like, a little bit too much rest. I'm turning into, like, this.

Tiffany Han [00:13:39]: I'm, like, doing the bed rotting, which is the thing that the youth are talking about now. You know, you, right, you tell the truth about yourself. If that is the case, great. Own it. Fantastic. Do you need to scroll less? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying it out loud, but I have to say it. Someone has to say it.

Tiffany Han [00:14:02]: Listen and listen, y'all. We are not saying this with shame. I'm not pointing fingers because your girl. Yeah, me too. Right? Like, all of these things are on my list. Scroll less. Uh huh. Go to bed early.

Tiffany Han [00:14:16]: Uh huh, uh huh. Just literally this morning, Tim and I had a conversation that we have all the time. Oh, we should really go to bed earlier. It's true. Watch out if you're lonely, hungry, angry, tired, and you try to appease those feelings of hunger, the anger, the loneliness, the fatigue with scrolling. Oh, you know, oh, you know, I get the irony of talking about this on this technology. I get it. People go to social media when they're lonely, and then it actually makes people lonelier.

Tiffany Han [00:15:05]: Like, studies show that when somebody spends time on social media, they actually walk away. They say they're going to it for connection, and then they walk away lonelier than when they found it, which actually then makes them more likely to go onto social media, which will then make them lonelier than when they started, which then. Do you see the, like, spiral we're in? You see it? So I'm not saying don't scroll at all. I'm not saying you have to quit social media. Although if you do want to, like, we could talk about that, right? Because I've done it. What I'm saying is mindful. Be mindful of your habits and really look at all of them and say, like, is this serving me? I'm over here. I want to say yes to this, right? I want to make this bold move.

Tiffany Han [00:15:50]: I want to be inspired. I want to live in this way that, like, it's like, the living embodiment of integrity, right? I want to live in a way that my life on the outside reflects, like, who I am on the inside. And all of the ways that I've not let myself be seen and all of the ways that people have told me I'm too much, and that leads me to believe that I'm not enough. And all of the ways that I've kept myself quiet for my whole life, I'm done with that. And I want to go over here. What habits is it time for you to let go of? And what habits is it time for you to pick up? How are you feeding yourself? How are you taking care of your instrument? If you are a violin player, if you're a fiddle player and a bluegrass band and you treat your fiddle like shit, it's not going to sound very good. Right. When it's time to perform, things are going to go bad, go poorly.

Tiffany Han [00:16:48]: You might be able to fake it for a little bit. So how are you taking care of your instrument? Yes. You have this divine connection to something greater than you. The soul, the inspiration. We could call it the divine. We could call it the force. Call it whatever you want, Mother Nature. I don't care.

Tiffany Han [00:17:05]: Right? What? Yeah, pick. Pick something. Pick whatever feels good. You can have that. But, like, we also have this, like, I've heard Pete Holmes call it a skin suit, right? We've got these, like, skin suits that are the way that we move through our lives. Are you taking care of your skin suit? More sleep? Food? Do you need to get some movement? Probably. Probably, right? Do you need to ditch some friends? Do you need to go have some more fun? Yes, but I'm always taking care of my kids, and I'm exhausted. Great.

Tiffany Han [00:17:42]: Let's figure out a way to have fun with your kids. It's not impossible. And I know that some kids are kind of a pain in the butt. I get it. Right. But, like, you can have fun. Your kids want to have fun with you. I promise.

Tiffany Han [00:17:56]: I promise. Do you need to think about your relationship with alcohol? How will you sleep on those nights when you have three glasses of wine? Again, I'm not going to tell anyone to quit drinking. We've got loads of episodes about that. And if you have questions, you let me know, because I am happy to talk about that, too. Seven and a half years sober over here. But again, we're looking at, like, what are the things that exhaust you? What are the things that eat away at your life force? And don't forget what we're after, what our mission is, right. That your life outside matches that person you are on the inside. What is taking away your spirit? What is taking away your sense of self? And now, here is the big one.

Tiffany Han [00:18:48]: If you take nothing away from this episode except for this. And halt. And go to bed earlier. And watch your scroll. I bat it. I'm bad at one call to action, y'all. I want you to take this away. It's very simple, not easy.

Tiffany Han [00:19:03]: Do less. Life is not about cramming in everything that you can. And you having a life that matches on the inside. On the outside, how you feel on the inside is not about just adding on and overloading yourself. We are talking about deliberate, inspired life design. If we're building a house, you've seen the houses with too much. Oh, yeah, you've seen those houses. That's not what we want.

Tiffany Han [00:19:39]: Right. We want things to be deliberate. We want them to be placed there so that it feels beautiful, so that it feels like coming home, so that it feels like you can breathe in this space. So what are you ready to let go of? Or what are you like? Oh, I'm not ready to let go of it, but I know that I should. Oh, right. What are those obligations that you know are not serving you? And maybe, again, we're not jumping off the high dive here. We're tiptoeing. How can you tiptoe your way out of them? This is not gonna be a quick fix, especially not if you've spent 2030, 40, 50, 60, 70 years doing it their way.

Tiffany Han [00:20:28]: Luckily, we get to do this every week. Luckily. There. There's a lot that I've recorded so far. Right? Like, you're in good shape. You're in good hands here. Do less. This sparks something for you.

Tiffany Han [00:20:43]: Let me know, please let me know. Let me know what questions are coming up. Let me know about your. Yeah. Butts. And I would love to hear, too, if you are watching this on YouTube and you're like, ooh, you got me. Let me know down in the comments. Please leave comments.

Tiffany Han [00:21:00]: Please lets me know that people are watching this. Thank you so much, and I'll see you next week.